Oh mama mia!

Skipped my first class today to watch the oscars and boy was that a change compared to my usual mundane accounting module. Endured the 3 hour duration of the show and my friends came to pick me up after lesson ended.

As usual I took the same route out and was nearing the exit when I saw a Chinese High student whom I presume was in the lower sec walkin towards my direction. As I neared him, I could make him out as the "nerdy" type even though his head was facing the ground, but perhaps what struck me the most was that there was this huge grin across his face. That grin really got me contemplating the cause, and at the moment we passed each other I was so amused at the situation that a huge grin flashed across my face. Imagine that, he passed it to me! This in turn led me to conclude that he must've saw some idiot grinning on the street and hence found it funny, leading to the grin. I in turn saw him which led to myself grinning all the way to the exit. Funny enough, I've been grinning to myself quite alot recently, wonder if I'm goin crazy.

Proceeded for lunch at 6th ave and the usual routine of camping at Guthrie House Coffee Bean Sloggin on projects. We ended at bout 6 and then headed to Sam's house. Now, we were sorta slack there and having not cycled in ages, I decided to take his bike out for a ride around 6th ave. The journey took me to Coro Rd West den to Namly and fianlly back to Sam's place. Biggggg mistake man, the lack of cycling time made my muscles ache like crazy and i could barely walk after that. Yes yes, time to start exercising again.

Ok...... Start of a very longgg week fer me. Wish me luck!

Blue

"Blue" by Reset(not to be confused with the one by eiffel65), been blasting it fer the last hour. Yes, I love the song, absofuckinlutely love it.

This week has been killa man, what with all the project presentations and tests, it's a wonder I'm able to blog. But it doesnt end there, 3 more presentations due this coming week! The horror!!! Add to that exams in 4 weeks time and there you have it, a recipe fer fun and laughter, peace and joy. Haiz, too much shit goin on at the moment..... FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmm ok feelin a lil better after that outburst on my keyboard. C'ést la vie.

On a lighter note, I dropped a magazine into the toilet bowl fer the 4th time in 2005. Everytime single time following the first incident, I'll leave the mag on top of the water compartment and stare at it intently for any sign of movement. When certain that the mag is balanced, I turn my back to hang my towel, and without fail I'll hear a loud thud only to find it in the toilet bowl. 4 times!! Wtf?! A perfect waste of unread magazines. What, I'm not good enough to read "HerWorld" so much so that it has to "jump" into the toilet bowl?!

Blue! I'm feelin lonely how bout you? We will be starting smt new. I'm goin crazy over you jus love me babehhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh............

*yes, lyrics in eurodance leaves much to be desired. who cares!

jkbvijkvnlkn

3 ulcers in my mouth now...... braces suck!

Extract from my classmates' Internation Economics and Finance project synopsis: "based on the past 3 oil crisis and the present day situation, we predict that there will be a coming oil crisis". WTF?!!!! They should be made chief economists for Singapore. Haiz, why am I so mean? Cause I can't help it!

I love the rush I always get when I blast techno and thats what Im experiencing at the moment. Thats why I'm kinda hyper right now and hence the randomness of events posted. "I'm gonna fucking cum, OOHOOHOOOHOOOHOHOOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! $#%^&*()_++)(*&^%$tyhgjkhjleogfl;kbrjklrdsgbvjmnew;lfkwa
sgbfvjklesaenfvklsjnvklesbvjksnvls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", watch "closer" and you'll know. It's bloody good btw.

Jus yesterday, while makin my way outta my condo., there happened to be a young man bout 10m ahead of myself. The exit barricade went up fer a merc and he happily followed in the path of the car. The car turned into the main road without incident and suddenly the security guard shouted, causing the young man to look up to realise the barricade was comin down and he was directly in its path. He stood rooted to the spot and went "AHHHHHHH", which was followed by a "THUD!". Immediately, I went forward to help but he seemed ok and the guard had him resting on a stool so I continued to make my way to school, and throughout the journey I could not stop thinking of how the guy reacted. Everyfew minutes the scene appeared in my mind and I could not help but laugh as that was the thing you think you would only see in cartoons. Wonder how many ppl thought I was mad.

Its a beautiful sat afternoon and I've yet to think of how im gonna slack my time away as opposed to studyin fer ma exams. Time, fuckin tricky..... Oh uploaded a few photos so now you know what ppl do whilst doing projects. Act spaz and take photos, what else!

too fast too soon

Valentine's day, schmalentine's day.... Love ain't in the air, its jus fuckin pollution. Feelin so "urgh-ish" now that desperate measures need to be taken, I need mindless shoutings to drown out my thoughts (think linkin park)!!!!!
For the first time in god knows how long, us guys(yan, come back!!) gathered fer a get together and to celebrate keef's bdae. I sat at the table enjoying the beer and under my constant cursings of Chelsea, surveyed the table surrounded by my closest friends and evaluated the change or lack of it in everyone of em. Certainly to be surrounded by your closest friends and chilling out is hard to beat but the atmosphere of our days in sec school wasn't there no more.

Chieh - The flesh was willing but the mind wasn't. Yes he was there, or was he? His mind was elsewhere the whole night. You tell me.
Jason - New and imrpoved upgraded version. Jason v.2, as amusing as ever but with an add on - a gf.
Keef - Hmmm, ok my brain drew a blank. Teasing laaaaa. Now stronger, smarter and bigger than ever, albit with a lose tooth, Keef's da man. Hes probably one of the most steady among us, always game and never sane.
Joe - In my opinion, the one that drifted the most from the group. I somehow feel that Joe is going through so much and yet hes telling so lil, almost nothing. We've probably been relegated to jus casual friends, takin a backseat in his new life, but we're still here fer ya Joe.

There we were, playing cards when the thought suddenly came to my mind again. I've slightly more than a year left as a teen. Too fast..... Too fast......

........

Chieh, wonder if you're even reading this but here goes:
I really dun have any idea how to get through to ya anymore. You're so caught up that you wun even stop for a moment and take into consideration my advice to you. No matter good or bad the advice, agree or disagree, the least I expect from ya to is to at least give consideration. I'm not against it jus fer fun my friend, you went so fast I hardly had the time to take it all in. What can happen at the most? Ya'll end it and just get on with ya lives. True, no bigggy, but thats not what I'm bothered about. What happens the next time and the time after next? You gonna go through all of em the same way eh. You say jump first and come NS, see how. I think, slow down and come NS den decide on the next step. Wun kill you to wait jus that couple of months will it? In any case, I've said my peace and the ball is in your court. Hope you do manage to prove me wrong my friend, I really do.

F.U.

A lone pineapple tart, a bar of KitKat and a few prawn rolls. Not exactly the ingredients for chemical x, but instead the new year goodies I've consumed so far. You're amazed? Well I'M amazed!

Anyways, enough of my gibberish, the reason why I'm here is to introduce ya'll to Professor Pipi, dean of the school of friendship theories, Friendship University (F.U.). It has come to Professor Pipi's attention that someone has accused another of takin friendship too seriously, "Shuying* told me that I take friendship too seriously", and has decided to voice his views for the sake of friendship.

.........

Can friendship be taken too seriously? Hell NO!! Oops, i meant unlikely^. Heh. Should anyone have the same view as Shuying*, one has but to look at the example of Mr Frodo and Samwise Gamgee. The two dudes went through thick and thin together and despite the rumors of them being gay, they stuck with their friendship, risking their lives countless times for each other in their quest. If it weren't for the fact that they took their friendship so seriously, Middle Earth would not have been saved and The Lord of The Rings wouldn't have made a billion dollars.

The furor the statement would have cause at Friendship University (F.U.), tsktsk. How can one not take a friendshipo worth taking seriously seriously? You find yourself such a friend, take the friendship as seriously as possible and there you have it, a serious friendship! Works the same way as a serious relationship, know the ones where you can't have sex cause its not serious but after it becomes serious its ok to have sex even though you're not married yet. Just as long as its serious.

Professor Pipi has so much time so much so that he can come and lecture on Lewis' blog you may think. Well for your info, I feel very strongly towards this topic, hence my involvement here at http://entendre.blogspot.com/. Know why I feel so strongly? Its because if there is a limit towards the friendship one can express towards another, then Friendship University (F.U) would be out of business. Certainly, if the limits of friendship were boundless, students will never be able to stop learning and our revenue will never stop flowing.

My friends, make friends like you've never made before and take your friendships as seriously as humanly possible. Its through this way that even if you end up broke at old age and without family to look after you, you can still turn to your friends as they'll take you seriously and help you get through life, i.e. you can freeload even at the age of 80.


*Names have been changed as Professor Pipi does not wish to make any enemies and come to any harm.
^If Professor Pipi appears to be lackin in commitment towards his cause thats also because he doesn't want to make any enemies and come to any harm.

die?

Its 6 am and why am i wide awake bloggin when history proves that my commitment towards updating this thing leaves much to be desired?

Recap: told maself last night that i must wake up early tomorrow to cram fer ma final test.

Fast forward to the present and i actually managed to wake up! But see, the thing is I got up, took a piss and den dived directly into the books, all this while half dead. Naturally i could not absorb no nothing and so proceeded to give ma face a bath in a bid to "wake up". So havin washed up, I headed back to the books and horror of all horrors, it wasn't cause I was half dead that I didn't understand shit. Turns out that the reason I didnt understand shit was due to the fact that I wasn't supposed to understand shit!

Ok still some hope left right? *Lewis must've studied the wrong chapters.... Well guess again, I wasn't supposed to understand because I had left 7 chapters of work untouched until a few hours before the test. Thus as punishment, I'm gonna get a single digit score fer the test.

Never have I felt so unprepared fer a test and believe you me I've sat for many a tests unprepared. The amazement of how much work was covered while I chose instead to concentrate on my other modules really is getting to me now. Well I can blame ma tutor fer being "ALMOST the worst tutor" but my looming fate has all but consumed my thoughts and theres little I can do other than to blog.

Die? Die!

talkin cock

I was figuring out what to do fer half an hour before hitting the books when i decided to surf TalkinCock.com:

Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition. During the Q&A segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'." The crowd shouts,"Gin! Gin!". Others exclaim, "No, its Grape Juice!" Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!" Host : "Quiet please." Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, "C'mon man, you think I need their help? I got more original answer : Gu ni!" (cow milk in hokkien)

......

Totally DefencelessTwo Hokkien pengs, Ah Beng and Ah Seng, got promoted from privates to corporals.Not long after, they're out for a walk and Ah Beng says, "Eh, Seng ah, there's the NCO Club. Let's go inside and togo.""But we all is plivate only, mah," protests Ah Seng."No, we all is copler now," says Ah Beng, pulling him inside. Once inside the pub, Ah Beng says, "Okay, let's order some beer and togo!""But we all is plivate!" says Ah Seng."Piang eh, you cannot see, meh?" says Ah Beng, pointing to his stripes. "We all is copler now!"After leaving the NCO club, Ah Beng and Ah Seng go to Geylang.There, Ah Beng whistles at a hooker, but the hooker says, "Sorry, hor. Tonight cannot because I got gonorrhea."Ah Beng pulls Ah Seng to the side and say, "Eh, you go and check the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhea' means. It it's okay, give me the okay sign."Ah Seng goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Ah Beng a big thumbs-up.Three weeks later, Ah Beng is in the hospital with a severe case of gonorrhea."Ni na beh," he scolds Ah Seng. "Why you tell me it's okay?""Not my fault!" says Ah Seng. "In the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects the privates."Then he points to his stripes: "But we is copler now, mah!"

......

Lian: " Beng, I can't get my new jig saw puzzle fixed, mah-chiam all the edges cannot fix together, leh." Beng: " Jig saw puzzle si mi picture, ha?" Lian: " The box show a big rooster, kanna like the one in talkingcock.com ". Beng: "Okay, lah, okay, lah. I come over to hepchu, lah." Ah Beng arrives at Ah Lian's place, where she happily leads him to the kitchen table where the jigsaw puzzle is. Ah Beng examines the puzzle and says, " Kan ni na, put back the corn flakes into the box, lah."

......

Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea when they were hijacked by a group of pirates. The pirates cornered the 3 men and said "Give us all your valuables!" The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added, "Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!" Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they threw him into the sea. Muthu was equally quick to comply with the pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his valuables and surrendered them to the pirates. Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea. Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at the pirates and sneered. "You all kee see lah! (go and die!) Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my lolex and my JPG warret!" The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea with the rest. In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu commended Ah Beng for his bravery. However, they were pretty perplexed by why he was unafraid of the virus. Grinning, Ah Beng answered, "AIDS I not scared, what... I got condom!!!"

......

Long time ago, a rich Singapore tycoon wanted to know how happy a man could be if he was given one wish.He paid 3 people to test out his experiment:The rules were:1. Each person could only have 1 wish.2. They will be left on a deserted island for 30 years.3. Food, but not liquor would be provided. The first contestant, Billy Klinton (USA) asked for the 30 prettiest PLAYBOY centrefolds: " So I can make the most beautiful babies in the world." The second contestant, Jon Mayjor (UK) said, "I want 30 years' supply of booze."The last contestant ,Ah Beng (Singapore) said," I want 30 years' supply of Saa-lim (Salem) cigarettes so I can smoke until I song-song" 30 years later, the 3 contestants came back for a press conference.Billy had with him 200 chidren and 30 estranged women. He remarked, " It has been a long sexual experience for me and I was wondering whether anyone care to buy a child. I will even throw in the mother for free !"Jon, hanging on to a bottle of beer, was suffering from a hangover but he managed to utter these words. " God save the Beer ! The Queen can drink sea water. "The last contestant, Ah Beng, hugging onto cartons of Salem shouted, "Ni na beh! Buay kee gia lighter!!!" (@#$*! Forgot to bring lighter!)
Somehow i thought of yan after having read the above.

......

Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim !Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered !Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted. The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (#@! Who pushed me into the water?")

......

Ah Beng joined a quiz show and was asked to name three fruits whose names begin with "A". Ah Beng immediately said, "Apple... Apricot..." then he was stumped. After a while, he finally shouted triumphantly, "Ang Mor Tan!"

......

Lance Corporal Ah Beng, Corporal Ahmad and Sergeant Arul were lost in the jungle. It was clear they would have to share responsibilities in order to survive. Sergeant Arul, as the most high-ranking soldier, took charge."Ah Beng," said Sergeant Arul. "Ahmad and I will recce ahead to see if there's any way out. We want you to stay behind here in the camp and take care of supplies for us. Can?"Ah Beng nodded, and Ahmad and Arul set out ahead. "Where's the bugger?" said Sergeant Arul, puzzled.Whereupon Ah Beng immediately jumped out of the bushes and yelled at both of them, "Supplies!"

......

A Mat, who was in Primary 3, came home from school one day and asked his father, "Bapak, today in school, me and friends had competisen, see who's cock the biggest, lah. My cock bigger than all, lah. Why ah? Because I melayu, issit? The father sighed and looked at him and said, "No,lah. Because you're eighteen years old."

......

Three men, Ah Beng, a Chinese, Ah Neh, an Indian, and Ah Mat, a Malay, were all sentenced to terms of life imprisonment for armed robbery. Upon reaching the prison, the chief warden told them, "Since you are going to be here for a very long time, you can bring into the cell whatever you wish. Just tell me and I'll try to fulfil it."So Ah Beng asked for a lifetime supply of cigarettes so he could drown his sorrows in smoke.Ah Neh asked for a set of the Encyclopaedia Brittanica as he wanted to study his remaining life away, having never passed his PSLE.Ah Mat, however, asked for a lifetime supply of tampons. The warden was puzzled and asked, "What do you need tampons for?"Ah Mat replied: "You never hear, is it? With tampons, you can go running, cycling, swimming......"

Ok... Jus spent an hour an a half on the site. Not good, better hit the books!

"Just because a person has a beard and a turban does not mean he is a terrorist! He could be a jaga, or a hockey player or chapatti cook!" - ah beng